feeling not good enough

In the previous episodes we looked in general terms at some of the characteristics of negative self belief. These beliefs about oneself are usually unconscious, and these unconscious negative beliefs are really the source of all our trouble in the world. The general term I usually use is self doubt: the great doubt about one’s place in existence. But even the word doubt does not really convey the full tragedy because once these beliefs are in the unconscious part of the mind, they are not questioned anymore. Instead of being doubts with some room for manoeuvre, they have become certainties. They are without foundation. They are baseless, and yet they have become certainties within our psychology.

In this episode and the next few episodes, we will look at some of the specific manifestations of this self doubt, and we will see they are really variations on one theme. But these variations create slightly different behaviours at the conscious level of the mind. The general pattern is that whatever belief has become unconscious, we try to compensate for at a conscious level.

So for example, if I have the unconscious belief that I am not good enough, then on the surface I will be always trying to prove that I am good, that I am good enough. In fact I will be going further: I will be trying to prove that I am the best, the top. So when we encounter someone who is very proud, proclaiming their superiority, it is fair to assume that underneath, in the unconscious  part of the mind, that person is feeling themself to be not good enough or inferior. This is the case if the belief is totally unconscious.

Sometimes, it may be a deeply held belief that’s still present in the conscious mind. In this case, I am at least partially aware that I am feeling myself to be not good enough, and my response is to always try to be better. I must become better. I’m not good enough so I have to try harder. And life becomes a continuous struggle, a never-ending struggle, for whilst that belief is there, no matter how well I do in life, I will not be able to accept that I am good enough.

And this is the great tragedy of these deeply held self doubts. Tinkering at the surface will never help. We have to totally uproot the self doubt. Until then, whatever we do, they will continue to cause us to suffer. This is the source of all the misery in human existence. A feeling of not being good enough is just one example. A feeling of being inferior to other people is another flavour, related, similar to not feeling good enough. This inferiority complex again causes us to strive to be better than other people, and in this case, it is very clearly a comparative matter. We are comparing ourself with others. We are in competition and we have to win. Again, life becomes an endless struggle, and we set ourself in opposition to our fellow human beings.

Another feeling related to not being good enough is the feeling of being inadequate. The feeling of being inadequate is very similar to the feeling of not being good enough, but there can be a slight nuance, a slight difference, and that is the feeling of being inadequate may be more unchangeable. If I am feeling myself to be not good enough, a part of me is still believing that I can become good enough if I just try a little harder. But if I am feeling inadequate, probably there is not even the sense that I can do anything about it. I am resigned to being inadequate forever.

Yet another variation on this theme is a feeling of being imperfect. And if deep down I am feeling imperfect, then I will be striving to be perfect. I will become a perfectionist outwardly, and I will not accept anything less than perfection in myself and probably from others too. Again, life will become tense with this need for perfection. There will never be a chance to relax and accept something that is seen to be slightly less than perfect. And this, again, is just the outward reflection of this feeling inside, that I am imperfect.

So here are just a few examples of self doubt and the way it manifests in our life: the feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of being inferior, or inadequate, or imperfect. We will look at some other self doubts in the next few episodes.

Enough for today.